


The Gentlest Touch

by SerMisty



Series: PolyPearls [14]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blue Pearl is mute, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'd like to say this is angst but there is so much kissing that I don't know, Multi, White Pearl Theory, in short Homeworld sucks, mild depiction of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 17:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6666886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerMisty/pseuds/SerMisty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some bruises are big and blue and easy to see. Some others need the gentlest touch to be brought to light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gentlest Touch

**Author's Note:**

> [fatalcookies asked:  
> And maybe: polyPearls, and the way they each like to be touched? =D]
> 
> Okay I had this ask in my askbox since the beginning but then I got excited because other people were sending me prompts and I delayed it. Finally, there it is! I hope you like it IhopeitsomuchIadmireyouandyouknow (http://fatalcookies.tumblr.com/)

Between the three, Blue is certainly the most affectionate. She loves hugs and adores when Pearl lets her arms fall over her shoulders; she loves to kiss Yellow until she draws a laugh out of her; she loves cuddling together and falling asleep on Pearl’s chest, so that they won’t be able to get up and leave; she loves holding hands with both of them and letting their fingers touch and interlace. 

But when it comes to touch her, Pearl and Yellow have to be careful. 

Blue’s neck is sensitive. 

A bit too sensitive. 

Pearl discovers it while they are kissing. Blue’s back rests against Yellow, the other’s mouth trails all along her shoulder and arm. Blue’s hands are lost inside Pearl’s hair as she pulls her deeper into the kiss.  
Pearl draws back gently, shifting to kiss Blue’s cheek, her jaw, and then continues her way down her neck. 

Blue jerks. 

She pushes Pearl away, hard, Pearl stumbles and almost falls. Freeing herself from Yellow’s arms, too, Blue’s hands run up to her neck to cover it; her head lowers, her body trembles. 

«Blue?» Yellow calls, her hand brushes her shoulder but hesitates to touch. «What is it?»  
«Hey» Pearl murmurs, her eyes full of worry. Her hands too move up and down, shake, unsure of where and if to touch. «I’m sorry. Blue, I’m so sorry. What did I do?» 

Blue shakes her head, slowly at first, harder as she goes on. Her nails jab in the skin of her neck.  
They can’t see her wide open eyes from under her bangs. 

 

 _Blue wants to talk, to laugh, to scream. Her body works, it doesn’t matter how many times she regenerates, that is her body and it works fine. She knows what she wants to say, but her mouth is silent when she opens it. Something doesn’t work, but her body is perfect – exactly like her Diamond wants it._  
_Blue lays against the wall and cries, she thinks of how much she hates this – and is the voice in her head the same of the one that she would use to speak? Would the sound be the same?_  
_Her hands on her neck, they press it, trying to force out a voice that doesn’t exist. The groan that comes out is nothing, nothing, and she scratches her skin and cries and cries until she can cry no more._  
_Nobody notices. Nobody hears._

 

Yellow raises Blue’s chin gently, gentler than she is used to touch. She brushes her tears away with her thumb.  
Pearl slowly takes Blue’s hands between hers and even slower brings them down. Blue looks at her, her cheek rested against Yellow’s palm. 

«We love you» Pearl whispers. She kisses the back of her fingers, softly. «You’re fine. We’re here. You’re fine». 

Blue bites her lip, still shaking, but nods. She hides herself in the arms Pearl opens for her, and lets Yellow softly caress her back. 

They don’t say a word. They stay silent, and Blue eventually stops crying.  
She feels fine. She feels heard. 

 

***

 

A superficial eye would say that Yellow comes with no luggage but an ego too big for her. Peridot is the first supporter of this theory – and Yellow has no intention of denying it. In front of the technician she still calls herself Yellow Diamond’s Pearl and loses no occasion to remind her that, even if she’s a Pearl, she technically outranks her. She doesn't fear anything, and certainly doesn't fear her. 

Pearl and Blue know better. 

They don’t do it on purpose, of course. It’s the heat of the moment, the euphoria. They don’t know, because Yellow won’t tell. Blue hugs her from behind or covers her eyes knowing that she will be recognized, or Pearl pats her back to congratulate for the good work, and Yellow _stiffens_. Yellow immobilizes, all of her body tenses, and her heart would stop if she only had one. 

(It’s funny that Peridot doesn’t realize that they both have similar reactions. But it’s not funny at all). 

Yellow is talking with Pearl when Blue arrives from behind her, her steps as silent as her laugh, and she jumps onto her, holding at her arm. It’s affectionate and loving – but Yellow’s voice dries in her mouth, her body freezes, she closes her eyes in a jolt and Pearl can see her clenching her teeth as she _waits_.

Blue notices it too. Her smile disappears and worry replaces it, one hand to cover her mouth, she lets herself be seen. The other hand holds Yellow’s, but she doesn’t grip it back. 

«Yellow» Pearl calls, but her voice comes as far away to Yellow’s ears. «It’s just us. She’s not here». 

 

_Big hands that clench at her arm and slam her against the walls. Palms that push her from behind without a warning, without a reason, just for the sake of it, and her little hands that cover her gem before she hits the ground. Yellow Diamond that scolds and screams and slaps her, making her fly across the room. Because she doesn't care, because she can, because she's right, wrong, right._  
_Always so careful, her Diamond. Bruises bad enough to hurt her, to scare her, to be seen and be a warning, but not bad enough to make her retreat in her gem. Never bad enough to let her rest for a while._

 

«I-I know» Yellow stutters, and only after that she opens her eyes, blinking a few times. Her body is still tense. «I’m fine».  
«You are not» Pearl says. «And that’s fine». 

Blue shakes her head, she pounds on her gem with a fist.  
Yellow sighs, looks away. 

«No, _I’m_ sorry» she murmurs, struggling to keep her back upright. «It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just-» 

Pearl cuts her off by putting her hands on her shoulders. Pressing slightly, Yellow’s back flexes a little, she relaxes. 

«No need to explain» she smiles. «Besides, we both prefer to look at your face». 

The calm and honesty in Pearl’s voice makes Yellow smile back, a laugh escapes her lips. Blue nods a couple of times and leans against her. 

Yellow’s hand, tentatively, closes around hers. 

 

*** 

 

To know what Pearl needs and doesn’t need is difficult, because if Yellow is guilty of not talking about her problems, Pearl surely isn’t in the right position to judge.  
Sometimes she acts like she’s perfectly fine, like she could take on everything the world is about to give her – and it’s not very clear who she’s trying to fool, since nobody believes her. Nobody can stand against the world alone. 

Most of the time, however, she acts like she has forgotten. Like only the future is able to hurt her, and not the past. Like the past is gone and buried, and she cannot be harmed by it.  
It’s not clear who she’s trying to fool, again. 

Laying on the shore on the back of the house, the sand scratches Pearl’s knees as she bends down to kiss Yellow. The pearl beneath her, head resting on Blue’s lap, raises herself to sit to meet her halfway. Blue moves herself to the side, smiling. 

Yellow’s lips taste of – of _nothing_ , really, because they are gems and their bodies aren’t real and they smell of nothing, but Pearl likes the taste anyway. She likes to be there, mostly – that makes everything pleasurable.  
She senses Yellow’s lips turning into a grin against her mouth, and then Yellow switches positions with a hip flick. Pearl’s shoulders hit the sand, and it feels a bit rougher than it actually is.  
Yellow overtops her and smirks, teasingly. There is care and love behind that game – but Pearl suddenly fails to see it. 

«Renegade down» Yellow winks, but Pearl knows she has started to cry before she can even close her mouth.  
Blue is next to her in a matter of seconds, her face a mask of worry. Yellow’s smirk disappears, she moves her hands to cup Pearl’s face but draws back before she can touch her.  
Pearl closes her eyes, trembles, tears wet the sand. 

«White, what’s wrong?» Yellow’s concern is evident from her voice. «Did I hurt you? White!» 

 

_There is always a Quartz a bit too confident that wants to kill the Renegade. In the heat of the battle, when everything is flames and smoke and death, there is always a young and reckless Amethyst – or Citrine, or Tiger’s Eye, or Chalcedony – that jumps and throws herself directly towards Pearl, towards the terrible Renegade._  
_Sometimes, Pearl is not prepared. Sometimes, the Quartz is just too big and muscular and Pearl knows she can beat her, but she’s tired and her ears are buzzing and her vision is blurry. Sometimes, the Quartz grabs her and slams her on the ground and Pearl’s back hurts and when she looks up the Quartz is grinning and Pearl can’t move._  
_«Why did a defective Pearl like you think to have a chance?» the Quartz sneers, and Pearl feels so small and weak and lost and she doesn’t need air but she wants it and she gasps._  
_She thrusts the sword right in the Quartz’s stomach while she’s too busy laughing. The Quartz disappears._  
_Pearl still can’t breathe._

_She has let only one gem atop of her in all those thousands of years. What hurts her the most, maybe, is the realization that she will never be able to let anyone else._

 

«It’s okay, White. Just breathe». 

When Pearl opens her eyes, still burning with tears, she discovers that Yellow isn’t on top of her anymore. She’s next to her, and sighs with relief once she meets her glare. Blue, on her other side, joins her hands together and leans down to kiss Pearl’s gem.  
Yellow falls on the sand next to her. 

«Don’t ever scare us like that» she says.  
«I’m sorry» Pearl whispers. It's all the voice she has.  
«It’s okay. Blue wants to cuddle, now». 

It’s not just her, from what her smile suggests, but Blue is very happy to lie on the other side and rest her head on Pearl’s shoulder, carefully placing her arm on her belly. She meets Yellow’s hand, which is already there, and their fingers interlock. 

Pearl smiles softly and closes her eyes again. 

Her tears have dried.


End file.
